: and so the truth finally came :

That phone conversation was one of the most unpleasant ones that I have ever had.

But it was also one of the most satisfying.

To discover the truth about you that way is just extremely unbecoming. The realization hit me harder than any brick possibly could. As tears glistened in my eyes, I held them in only because there were throngs of strangers around me. I could have so easily broken down, but my heart was also strangely content because of the support from the person on the other side of the phone line.

We were never close to each other. Emotionally, mentally, physically. I guess we both knew the situation at hand, but we didn't know each other's side to the story. I will always remember the day we sat down for the very first time early this year to talk about it. To acknowledge it. We were in your territory. And yet it was the most perfect time to reveal all there was about you.

That was the first time I've ever felt a connection with him. I saw the troubles and burdens he went through. I relate to them quite well. How can I not, since I'm going through the same thing now? Somehow, that night on the phone with him, I felt comforted. I understand now why he left. Every bit of resentment is gone. Now, I wish I could leave too.

That night, I let go of you. That night, I let myself go from you. And I felt an indescribably tremendous lift off my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I was free from all dependence, obligations and guilt that you had over me. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel the need to wait for you, or to seek your approval for anything. It was in many ways weird, to be left with nothing, yet to gain everything the world has to offer.

You have lost my respect. You lost it the day you lost my trust.

I see how you're trying to make up for it all now, in your own little gestures. I'm not responding to any of them because I refuse to be taken for a ride by you again. I am never going to look for a partner with similar qualities as what you possess. I am never going to live with all the uncertainty, secrets, lies and temper to top it all off. And if I find out only after I'm married? Then I shall deny him of offspring because I never want my children to experience what you have made us so harshly go through.

I forgave you once, I forgave you twice. I have forgiven you countless times. Even without realizing it. I stood supportively by your side. I believed in you. I defended you against all accusations. I gave you so, so many chances.

Unfortunately, you disappointed me greatly.

I even disrespected her for you. I understand now why she behaved the way she did. I don't blame her one bit anymore. It is indeed a horrible situation to be in.

I honestly don't understand why you don't learn from your mistakes.

Will you ever gain my respect again? Most probably.
How? Perhaps when you prove yourself worthy of my trust again.
When? I guess you'll just have to wait for the day I forgive you.

And don't worry, that day will come.

Yes, I will forgive you.

You gave me life, after all.