Gobble gobble

Does anyone remember Pacman??

I used to play it in arcades when I was little! My brother would be whooping M. Bison's arse using Chun-Li (I personally preferred that Cammy girl..) while I quietly tried to eat dots and cherries.

Oh... No...

I can already foresee a lame joke... *drum roll*

"So that's where all your dots come from!!"

. . . . . . .

Yea yea... I've already been nicknamed 'Dots'. Dotting in online conversations have become a habit la... I wish I could do it in real life sometimes. Saves alot of hassle!

Hey, I'm starting to remember when I first used dots! It was in a Diablo Battle.net chatroom when I was all but 13 years old.

Someone: (says something stupid)

Darkside: ....

Fantasy (erm, that's me): ....

That's how we met, and Darkside later became my online boyfriend. HAHAHAH. He's a Jap-American guy from US, and we were together for over a year!

Ok.. all the weird memories are coming back to me now... *Has nostalgic moment* I've had people either gawk or laugh in my face when they find out that I used to be an online gamer. Or even play computer games for that matter. I loved Warcraft, ok... Completed all of them without the need for cheats! Hrmph. Well, actually they were extremely addictive and I hope I never go back there.

Anyway, anyone want a dose of the past, go have a game of Pacman here! Such a simple game yet so entertaining~ *has another nostalgic moment*

Thoughts of a lazy blogger

I've been called a lazy blogger (urm.. hence the URL?) =/

I've been compared to a blog which was created after mine but has 3 times the number of posts =(

I've been enduring harassment to update my blog because people have nothing new to read =((

What la.

It's about quality, not quantity...

Err... right..?

Since the creation of my blog, the issue of me as a writer has been raised again. Many, many people have constantly told me over the years to not waste my talent. I have always loved writing and expressing myself through poetry, stories and the such. I had wanted to become a copywriter since I found out such a position existed in Form 4. That want came true during my time at IACT, and I was exhilarated when I saw my work being published and broadcasted.

Unfortunately, like my Creative Director had advised me, I am not confident enough of my talent. Looking back, I think I know exactly when this moment came. It was when I was hired back to my internship agency as an actual copywriter, albeit part-time due to my studies, and I was working on the copy for a Mercedes-Benz print ad. I could not write good copy. This was probably due to my lack of interest and knowledge in automobiles. But as a copywriter, I have to be able to write creatively for any client, notwithstanding what their product or service is. It hit me then that I couldn't. Or rather I wasn't interested to. And no interest = no passion = tasteless work.

Sometimes I wish I had taken the hospitality & tourism course after all. I am still haunted by my decision to stay in the communication line. After all, two diplomas in two totally different fields is still bound to get me somewhere... right?

Maybe that's just my lack of confidence talking again.

The Beginning.

.... And so the Queen and the King finally decided that war was not an option.

They sent off all their knights and bishops and pumpkins, and called it a truce.

But ... !

The Queen turned around and whispered an order into her Little Pawn's ear.

Off ran the Little Pawn to send the message to the Queen's troops.

She still wants us on standby? They ask. For what reason?

The Queen is wary. She is still not gonna let the King checkmate her.

Why??? The troops were befuddled. They called it a truce!

The Little Pawn ponders for awhile and shrugs.

How do we know that the King didn't send an order to his little pawn as well?

The troops look at each other for a moment, and they instantly pull their swords back out.

There they stay hidden within the bushes, their silhouettes casting eerie shadows amongst the trees.

There they lay in wait to see what becomes of this.....

--=--

It's still taking some getting used to. Just when I had started swinging, you came along and pulled me off the swing to sit on the slide with you.

But what I do know is that you make me smile in so many more ways than one.

It still amazes me that someone like you is fascinated by what I have to say. It amazes me that I can simply be who I am and yet in the process make you happy.


In the end, you made me see that it's not so much about what 2 people can continuously offer each other.



It's about how 2 people are given the opportunity to actually find each other in this huge deep ocean in the first place.

I'm not worried about the silence anymore now.

I'm rather looking forward to sharing that quiet moment with you.

Revelations....

I have been trying to blog since Sunday night.

--=--

Yes, he was judged.

Maybe I wanted him to be judged.

But the judges only proved one thing in the end.

It proved that what I sensed from the start was true.

--=--

However, everytime I was in the midst of writing about how I felt, someone said something that made what I wrote not relevant to how I felt anymore.

--=--

Why then, do I feel the way I do?

I have always known myself to be That kind of girl.

But when reality hits, I know that I can't be that girl anymore.

I know what I want, I know what I need. And I do not want to settle for anything else.

--=--

On Sunday night, I met up with someone who suddenly made the whole situation seem so clear to me.

--=--

Do you think I am blind?

Or just plain dumb?

Your words mean nothing to me when I've seen it all for myself.

You know, I really detest people like you.

You claim to be such a person, when your actions clearly states another.

And then you even dare to deny it at the end of the day.

For now, I can only slowly push you away.

Because despite everything, I still do not want to hurt you.

I do not know why.

--=--

Tonight I met up with that same person. He asked questions that I couldn't answer. He gave possible options that I found hard to accept. He made me realize many things. In the end, I think I figured the way out of my own maze.

--=--

Don't you understand?

It was you all along.

I feel the same for you.

Now, if only I could admit that to myself.

--=--

Commitment is a hard thing to do. It is hard because when I commit, I really commit. I just don't trust the other person to.

--=--

My message has been sent.

You have checked me a couple of times.

But I'm not gonna let you checkmate me.

The other players are waiting to have a game with me.

Are you ready....?

It's your move.

Pushy pushy

I don't get it. Are these people desperate or plain obnoxious?

(MSN chat cut, pasted and chopped short)

Guy1 says:
i wanna meet you
sesat says:
huh?
Guy1 says:
today is the first day showing of Tom Cruse new movie
Guy1 says:
i want to go with you
Guy1 says:
it is a chance to know each other more
sesat says:
but i hardly know u
Guy1 says:
that's why i want to meet you i want to know you
it will be a nice chance
trust me
sesat says:
that's the thing, see..
sesat says:
i don't trust u
sesat says:
we only talked for like.. what.. 3 times?
Guy1 says:
dont be narrow minded like mot of the people here
Guy1 says:
some one is invting you to cinema
so what ??!!!
nothing with that
sesat says:
it is about how comfortable i feel with u
sesat says:
at this stage, i'm not comfortable with u
sesat says:
so why should i spend the time and energy?
Guy1 says:
any relationship whatever was its kind needs a start
it is just some time i want to spend with you to know you more
maybe we will feel comfortable to each other
sesat says:
well i don't see why you are trying to rush anything
sesat says:
and why u are pushing me
Guy1 says:
i am not pushing you
it is up to you
i am trying to clarify my intentions and convince you
but the thing i say is that you dont really need to be scared
so what do you think ?
sesat says:
i have already met a few online friends
sesat says:
so?
Guy1 says:
i dont want it to be only online
Guy1 says:
i want some thing more intersting and serious
Guy1 says:
i was very frank and clear with you
i think i have never said that to any body else
Guy1 says:
so wanna continue this conversation face to face ??
sesat says:
well i already told you that i am not at a comfortable stage with u yet
sesat says:
i hope that u can respect that
sesat says:
if you dont then i'm sorry, i dont think we should continue this
Guy1 says:
you know
i dont like the way you talk
you have to speak more respectfully
i will not die if you are not comfortable
Guy1 says:
i dont understand you people here
you are afraid of anybody who is foreigner
u make a big deal from small things
you need to sms or to chat for years before you can meen any body


-At this point, I got Really pissed-


sesat says:
i think it is you who should treat me with more respect
sesat says:
i told u that i am not comfortable meeting u but still u want to push it
sesat says:
i have met with online friends after talking to them for a few weeks or months
sesat says:
being a foreigner or not is not my concern
sesat says:
u think that everyone here is bias??
Guy1 says:
i do treat you with respect
but you keep saying i dont rust you i am not comfortable
while i am speakning to you very clearly
sesat says:
i can tell u that i have encountered online ppl who have treated me like SHIT
sesat says:
is it wrong for me to be cautious???
sesat says:
i am clearly telling you the TRUTH when i say i'm not comfortable with u YET
sesat says:
why cant u just accept that???
Guy1 says:
umm....... maybe you have right here
but i didnt ask you to meet in a seperate place
i chose a public place
sesat says:
i hardly even know u!!
Guy1 says:
and i said i want just to know you more maybe we will like each other
sesat says:
how would i know what YOU want??
sesat says:
and personally i dont like the way u are talking to me
Guy1 says:
i like the brave and cautious people like you


.........

=.='

O_0


Guy1 says:
i respect that very much
Guy1 says:
i am getting more comfortable with you
and even when i asked for your pic that was becasue i want to get along with you easily and the pic would help
Guy1 says:
so if you keep expecting any body like this ... u will opress many people
sesat says:
the people i have met, i have not regretted meeting them
sesat says:
and i dont want to regret meeting anyone in the future
sesat says:
i think i am able to judge for myself the good guys from the bad
sesat says:
if u want to continue getting to know me then i hope u will not push me anymore or i will block u..


At the same time.. in another chatbox....


sesat says:
sorry, i'm arguing with someone
sesat says:
he's pissing me off..
sesat says:
online fella who wants to meet me..
Guy2 says:
HUH????
Guy2 says:
why wanna meet???/
Guy2 says:
hmm...me also wanna meet worrr....me 2 me 2 me 2
Guy2 says:
me me me!!!!!
Guy2 says:
hey...why that guy wanna meet???
sesat says:
.....
sesat says:
why do u think he wana meet
Guy2 says:
hmm...maybe he wanna know u better....or maybe he wanna date u lor
Guy2 says:
2 possibilities
Guy2 says:
so what do u think about him???
Guy2 says:
if one day in future i too ask u out to meet up will you come out ??? or get piss off??
sesat says:
.....
sesat says:
depends on how comfortable i am with u
Guy2 says:
so r u comfy w me now???
Guy2 says:
trust me...lorrr....come come we meet...at KLCC..at 11pm tonite...if u don't come i don't go.....

----

I'm really tired and seriously starting to wonder why I waste my time and energy layaning people like these. Are they really going to develop into proper friendships? Is it true that if you don't meet up, the relationship will go nowhere? Isn't it possible to care for online friends as well?

I have a few online friends who have become real people in my life. We share problems, we webcam, we talk on the phone occasionally, we sms when we are not online. I honestly care for some of these people, and I know that the water flows both ways. The only difference is that we do not meet in real life.

Truth of the matter is... Many online friendships don't work out as real life friendships. Sometimes it is shocking how different people (me included) are IRL as compared to their online personalities.

What does 'real' friendship entail, then? Touch? Smell? Eye contact? Aren't those merely physical attributes that are not relevant to an emotional and mental relationship? How about those people who are my real life friends, but we only keep in touch online now? Aren't we still considered as 'real' friends?

In the end ... Does It Really Matter ... ?